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I love patent trolls!

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I love patent trolls. There. I said it.

Why do I have such affection? The folklore of the supernatural has great appeal. Even to a curmudgeon. The wildly successful troll doll fad of the late 20th century made that clear. Now DreamWorks Animation is planning a 2016 release of an entire computer-animated musical about troll dolls. I can hardly wait.

But the most endearing troll doll “alive” cannot hold a candle (or a torch, for that matter) to even a run-of-the-mill patent troll when it comes to charm. So I figure the patent trolls should be in line for the same deep passion felt for the troll dolls.

And a ton of sympathy, too.

I feel for the patent trolls. They’ve been on the short end of a barrage of nasty public rhetoric for a while now. The kind that patent troll detractors have been pushing with gusto through the Congress, the White House, the Courts, and (let’s not forget the fourth estate) the Press (who ought to—but don’t—know better than to pay it any attention).

What is my take on this crusade? “Rubbish.” The patent trolls don’t deserve it.

Get with it, man. Trolls are amusing. Cuddly. Adorable. That’s why I’m betting there’s a market out there for patent troll dolls. And I’m going to be the first to capitalize on it. My line of these stuffed toys will hit the market later in the year. Watch for the release date. Get your pre-orders in now. Figure on buying a pair for your favorite Supreme Court clerk. Or Congressman. Or copywriter. Or your cousin Celia, for that matter.

And get this. Pins will be included so the cuties can double as Voodoos right out of the box. For those so inclined.

I know. I know. This product will take some re-branding work given the recent bad press. But I’m sure the image can be burnished. These patent troll dolls are going to be productive, energetic, exciting, fun. We’ll polish the extortionist style. And portray these guys as making an honest market for patents that are loose in the socket. We’ll dump the non-practicing aura. And substitute a label showing a respected place to park some investment capital.

Pretty soon the brand will shine. And when the Christmas shopping season comes along, these troll dolls are going to fly off the shelves. Trust me.

Just my two cents.

Written by thinker

February 28th, 2015 at 5:52 pm